Husbands Need Respect, Wives Need Love

Sandy Stewart

A wonderful and wise man, Sandy Steward, took on the role as my husband’s spiritual mentor for about 8 months.  Sandy poured into my husband week after week and during this time I saw tremendous growth in Tim.  It was such a beautiful season in our lives and in our marriage.  Sadly though, shortly after Tim left for Army Basic Training early 2013, Sandy passed away, but the wisdom and love he spoke into Tim’s life has had a lasting impact on him and our marriage.

I would like to share with you one of the things Sandy shared with Tim.  As they were pondering over a couple verses found in Ephesians 5:24-25.  Sandy read the verses and began to show Tim something within them.  The verses read:

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Sandy said, “Isn’t it funny.  God didn’t say husbands respect your wife or wives love your husband.  Husbands need respect and wives need love.”

Within the last week I have ran across two different blog posts, at two different times pertaining to this very topic.  Because of the lasting imprint that Sandy has left on mine and Tim’s heart I felt lead to share this with you, in memory of him.  When I found the first one, 25 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her, I read it and secretly picked out how many I felt Tim needed to work on to show me more love.  Then I asked him to read it and see which ones he thought I would pick out.  It was a fun little exercise that spoke to Tim and gave us an opportunity to communicate.  Then a few days later, not even seeking to find it, I ran across the next one, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband.  I glanced over it briefly but felt lead to have Tim read it first, then secretly pick out how many he felt I needed to work on to show him more respect.  Then I read over it and tried to choose the ones I thought he would pick out.  Again it was a powerful, eye opening and fun exercise for us that opened up another opportunity to communicate.  These two blogs got me thinking about what Sandy shared with Tim over a year ago, “Husbands need respect and wives need love.”

Men want to be respected by their wives so much.  It is a desire God gave to them and, we as wives, are called to show our husbands respect. Likewise, women crave to be loved by their husband.  Again, a desire that was placed in wives by God and husbands you are called to show them love.

I encourage you to read and even print out these two blog post and do the exercise Tim and I did.  If you want to move forward in your marriage you are going to have to do a little homework…this is what Tim calls it 🙂 If you feel lead to pray before you begin.  This exercise is not an opportunity to attack each other.  It is a time to listen and communicate effectively.  It is a time to learn more about your spouses needs.  I think you will be surprised how powerful it will be for you both.  Don’t walk away hurt or offended.  Walk away from the exercise encouraged, thinking, OK I was just shown the areas I need to work on to improve my marriage.  Circle or write down the ones your spouse picked out, then pondered and pray over them,  remembering what Sandy said, wives need love and men need respect.

Isn’t it beautiful how one person’s spoken word can have such a ripple effect in people’s lives even after they have passed on?  Sandy Steward, God continues to use you and your loving example of Christ.  You are loved and missed deeply.

Thanks for letting me share.  And as always Be Love, Give Love.  ~abby

About the Author


Abby Lewis has a degree in Health and Wellness and her massage therapy license. She is the author of Living Still and producer of A Breath~in Stillness. Her life’s work is to passionately encourage others to experience transformation of spirit, mind and body by learning to practice “living still.”