How I’m Learning To Submit To My Husband

Wives Submit

A few years back the Lord gave me this powerful visual that helped me tremendously in understanding how to submit to my husband.  At that time the Lord had placed it on my heart that I was lacking in the area of submission to Tim, my husband.  As I desperately desire to be obedient in every area of my life, I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to teach me how to submit to Tim.

As I sought after the Lord for guidance and direction, He reminded me of a past management job I had.  He asked me all sorts of question about my role as a manager.  Things like:

  • Are managers able to make any major business decisions without the boss’s approval?
  • Is it appropriate to question a boss when they asked you to do something?
  • Is it OK to disrespect a boss?
  • Would it be wise to talk bad about your boss behind their back?
  • Is it OK to have a bad attitude at work?
  • Would it be wise to be dishonest or manipulative in anyway in your role as a manager?
  • Is it OK to spend money without the boss’s approval?
  • Would it be wise to not actively listen to the boss, with eye contact, while they are speaking?
  • Is it OK to not follow through with a task after the boss has asked you to do it?
  • Would it be OK to have the business a mess and disorganized?
  • Would it be OK to have chaos within the business or among the employees?

Can you see where the Lord is going with all of this?

Any manager/employee would be foolish to act like this.  More than likely if they did they would be warned and ultimately be fired if they didn’t improve their behavior.

With all of this, the Lord was trying to help me understand my role as a wife and how to submit to my husband as the leader.  It made so much more sense to me after I pondered it for a while.  I actually went to my husband and discussed what the Lord was speaking to my heart.  I think it made him understand his role more as well and what great responsibility he had as the leader of our home and family.

So lets break this down as the Lord has explained it to me:

  • I am the manager of our home/family and my husband is the leader.
  • I should not make any major decisions without my husband’s blessing.
  • I should not question my husband.  I can offer my suggestions but ultimately the risk is on him and he has the final say….in everything.
  • I need to always respect my husband.
  • I need to never talk bad about him behind his back.
  • I need to have a good attitude and do my job well as a wife and manager of our home/family.
  • I need to always be honest…even the tiny white lies have to go.
  • My words need to be coming from a pure heart, not a manipulative one.
  • I need to approve all our my spending with my husband.
  • I need to respect my husband by actively listening to him.
  • I need to follow through in a timely manner with the task my husband ask me to do and do them well.
  • I need to keep our home managed well…keeping it neat and organized.
  • I need to maintain peace within our home….be sure that Tim’s comes home to a place of peace after work.

Rest assure I have not mastered this but what this visual has given me are very practical things to start doing to become better at submitting to my husband and to be a better wife and manager of our home. The list really could go on and on but this was a great start for me and the Lord continues to reveal areas in our marriage that need fine tuning.

Tim and I have been married 14 years.  We have come through a lot together and over the last 14 years we have grown through:

  • me hitting rock bottom in 2002 (read my story)
  • drugs and alcohol
  • me having severe anxiety (read how I have been freed)
  • Tim having severe anger
  • an affair
  • almost getting a divorce
  • words that tore each other down
  • dishonesty
  • jealousy
  • me having intense control issues and much much more.

I share this with you to tell you our marriage has been through hell and back.  But we survived and the only way we did was by putting Christ at the center of our individual lives and our marriage.  God pulled on our hearts and began to transform us and our marriage.  We went from wanting a divorce about 10 years ago to now having an amazing loving marriage.  That is right….nothing is impossible with God.  Our marriage isn’t perfect nor will it ever be but with Christ at the center there is so much more love, peace, patience, kindness, laughter, joy and smiles.  Over the years as we have turned to the Lord, He has molded and shaped us and our marriage into something beautiful.

I dare you to genuinely, put Christ at the center of your life and marriage, and I bet He will do the same for you.


Some of my other blog post related to this one that you might find helpful and encouraging…

The Power and Beauty of Truly Submitting to My Husband

How to have a Beautiful Marriage

10 Ways to Improve your Marriage

Husbands Need Respect, Wives Need Love

Do You Go to Bed Angry?


Be Love, Give Love




About the Author


Abby Lewis has a degree in Health and Wellness and her massage therapy license. She is the author of Living Still and producer of A Breath~in Stillness. Her life’s work is to passionately encourage others to experience transformation of spirit, mind and body by learning to practice “living still.”


  1. MiserableRebel

    I am having problems with submitting. And control issues. I want to save my relationship and love. In dire need of guidance from a woman in this perspective. I don’t want to be a single mother of 3 homeless and on the streets. I know I’m ruining this relationship and am crying out for help.

    • Abby

      Thank you for engaging in this post and sharing your thoughts. I want to say first of all that I am so proud of you that you realize that you just might be doing something to cause your relationship issues. A lot of people want to blame their spouse instead of taking responsibility for their own actions and behaviors. So you are ahead of a majority of people I have talked with. That is a plus. I would like to strongly recommend you purchase my book Living Still~Walking in Peace in the Midst of Life. You can find it on Amazon. This will help you become a better you and help you deal with those control issues that aren’t allowing you to fully submit to your husband as the leader. I was once that person. Submission is truly beautiful if done correctly. It is God’s design. I have learned and I am still learning that there is so much more peace in my life and in our home when I truly respect my husband as the leader and submit to his authority. Our marriage is so much stronger and happier now. If you keep seeking the Lord…which my book Living Still will teach you how to seek after the Lord in all things….then He will guide and direct you in everything. He will heal and transform you, your marriage and your entire family. Peace will over take your life. I only know this because this is what happened in my life, marriage and family. You are wise to reach out and seek guidance. Please read Living Still as I am confident it will help move you forward. You can email me directly at if you feel lead to. Keep fighting the good fight. God is working in the midst of all of this, I promise.

      Be Love Give Love


  1. […] respect, forgiveness and unconditionally love have to be […]

  2. […] if Tim would do this or that then I would feel more comfortable submitting to him. I was fearful of submission. I didn’t trust Tim to be the leader. I had a list of all the things I needed from him or to […]

  3. […] was fearful of submission. I didn’t trust Tim to be the leader. I had a list of all the things I needed from him, or to see […]